I am very sensitive, I have a
very big heart and its carried on my sleeve.
You look at me funny and I want to die a silent death. I tend to make it all about myself, I
internalize it and carry all the added baggage with me when frankly it shouldn’t
be that way. It not all about me all the
time. But why do I make it about me??
I think we all have our
insecurities, we have all been exposed to some kind of bullying, gossiping or
verbal abuse in our lives that when we get a little prick on that nerve it erupts
on a whole other level. For me it’s
about the why’s, the how’s, the what if’s.
I don’t always understand a situation and why it is sprung on me
unexpectedly. I know I was in a similar
situation before and I somehow managed to run away from it, now 3 years later I’m
in the same situation and I decided to go through it, deal with it and heal
from it. Feel all the emotions,
experience the fact that people can let you down and that the saying of “a
leopard might change its spots but not its colours” is very true. I always believe people to be better than
they really are and somehow I am always let down. Maybe I do that to others too, maybe I am
held up in high esteem and somehow break someone’s confidence of me.
There is a learning curve from
all of this, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We are seldom very open to all the negativity
in life and we invite it in and play house with it, it drains out all the
positive and at the end of it all we sit and wonder why we are so stressed and
so unhappy. There needs to be a healthy
balance of, yes I notice the negative, yes I see whats going on and yet I
choose not to have it affect me. I will
allow it 5 minutes of my time and then I will carry on being the happy person I
was before. The people or situations
that we are sometimes thrown into, we don’t choose them, hell if we had a
choice we’d avoid them completely but we cant, they will keep coming back until
we deal with it, until we grow stronger from it. Also on another note, one must always
remember that the people and situation can be controlled, they want you to feel
crappy, they want you to suffer and feel upset but you can control how you feel
and react to it, if you show others that it does not hurt or affect you, you
are taking away their power. Above all
else, guard your heart. Protect that big
heart, pumping not only blood but love all around. Its your heart and at the end of it all, you
feel the most of what you are feeling, no one else. Keep on keeping on, just walk past the
leopard and smile your biggest most gorgeous smile, just don’t allow yourself
to feel.
We all have a purpose on this
earth at the end of the day, if you can make someone’s life a little bit better
by maybe including them in something, giving them a lift or helping in a way
they would never ask you before then you are already being the better
person. I decide every day to be better
than I was the day before and try my best to make people feel good about
themselves and their situation, other people don’t see it that way, they would
rather hurt and not consider others. God
wants us to be loving and treat others as equals. He will never ostracize someone, or make them
feel alienated or thrown away. We must
try and live the same way, do what is best and work towards bettering ourselves
in order to grow as individuals and spiritually too.
So no I wont let them get me
down, I wont let them hurt me, break my heart and alienate me. Its not about me, its about them and their
unresolved issues with life. I am going
to pull up my big girl panties, learn to grow a thick skin and life a positive
happy life while trying to figure all the life lessons out along the way.
Ps. You, the person who just
finished reading this, you are awesome, don’t ever forget that.
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