Changing your name. Does it carry any significance, no. Does is make you happy, no. Does the sound of it being called remind you
of your adolescence……. Unfortunately YES!!!
So then why keep it? Everyone I’ve ever known had a shortened version or
a nickname, for me that was never really a reality, I’ve always just been
Chantelle. To me “Chantelle” reminds me
of an unstable, insecure, narcissistic person.
I am not her anymore, I am free, I have changed, I have a new life. With all of that new, I feel I need a new
name, same same but different. My mother
never really chose my name nor does it belong to any older relative I am
supposed to be honoring by keeping the tag.
So its time for a total transformation and on a Tuesday, now how’s that
for wanting more confirmation that its to be done??
I have played around with a few
ideas and I have decided to drop some letters and simply be referred to as “Chan”,
not “Chants” simply just “Chan”. I am
also not going to carry my maiden name ever again as that plays to the same
reason being called on my full name. I
know it’s a bit drastic but I need that proper change in order to feel
complete. I don’t want reminders from my past, I want to be happy with my
present me, the me who is on this amazing journey of self-discovery and change.
Unfortunately Facebook doesn’t support
my instant gratification of change and will only allow me to embrace my new
identity in 60 days’ time, lame Facebook, very lame. Though there is no
stopping me from actively taking part in my new “name”, it’s all shiny and new,
you can smell the new “name” smell.
For me lately, the most
deliberating thing has been the inspiration I have given others to change, not just
change for the better but to follow God as well. I have had days when I re-read my blog and
thought to myself that I shouldn’t have shared so much of myself but then again
I have days where people actually said that sharing my biggest embarrassments
have given them the motivation to change and work on their lives. I still to this day struggle to accept a
compliment and don’t really know what to say however my mother always told me
to thank the person who is complementing you and take a few seconds for it to
sink in as that is exactly how the individual is feeling in that moment. Still its hard. There are instances when I wish more people
would read my blog, I pour so much of myself into it and always hope people
will realise they have influence when they share it and someone out there may
benefit and then again I always open myself up to criticism. For example when
you look at the abuse some celebrities are throw with from complete strangers,
it makes you want to just not be on social media. How can you tell someone to go and kill
themselves, really, there are special people out there.
On a positive note I have been
looking at things more from an outsiders perspective and appreciate the people
around me more than I used too. To become
less egotistical, one must really die to oneself and literally let go of what
was comfortable and familiar. To me not
hearing my full name will feel uncomfortable and awkward but to know the reason
behind the shortened version and how hard I’ve worked to be this different
person makes it worth it. I have worked
harder, dedicated more, sacrificed and grown more in the last 7 months of my
life than I have ever imagined to do.
You are never too old for change or too young to learn. Yes I started my blog with a bang and
committed myself to writing about something every day and yet the more work I put in, the more I
have to minimize my time online and be more present in the now. I have gone a total of 8 days without any
connection to my mobile, nothing, it was either completely drained of battery
life or I couldn’t remember where I put it.
The experience was amazing, I didn’t disconnect from a conversation, I didn’t
browse social media and I was able to give undivided attention to the people
who mattered around me. We miss out on
so much of life because we constantly want to feel content with the validation
from other that what we are doing is right or socially acceptable yet those
people are not there when you need to make major life decisions. I was also able to notice a situation that
was somewhat out of my control yet I had the ability to stop it before it
caused more damage than it could have, I trusted my gut feeling and acted
immediately. Reliving the scenario is
not great but knowing that God made me more aware and for me to put my one
unhealthy addiction (my cellphone) down actually made me super proud of myself.
So here’s to my new journey as
just Chan Thrupp, completely ordinary to some but extremely extraordinary to
others!!
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