The ugly, the bad and the GOOD

In life you will always have individuals you just dont get, like its almost as if they are from another planet.  They just dont operate like most of us.  I for one cannot be nasty or vindictive, I speak my mind and I am straight forward but I wont go out of my way to make someones life difficult.

Then you get those people who just cannot let the sun shine over others heads, I call the the "ugly" people.  These people cannot live without causing drama, they revel in it, its like a drug.  Its hard to understand when you are on the other side but sometimes you just have to let them be.  There is really no hope or help for them.  You can just pray that things will change for them and then you hand them over to God and just say "let your will be done with them".

More often than not we get the "bad" people, they want all the praise and light to shine on them but secretly they gossip, they degrade and belittle others and only in the presence of some.  They dont come across as bad people, they hide it very well.  These people one can spot, once you've met one, you've met them all.  Its almost as if their faces, bodies and even the way they conduct themselves is the same as people you met previously. 

And lastly there is the GOOD, these people are like gems.  More like the rarest of flower that blooms every so often.  They are the people who help, guide, praise and set an example.  I have come across many GOOD people over the last couple of months.  The first good person invite and persisted until I went to church and found my new relationship with God, the second was a person who never really gave up on me and is now my oddest closest friend, then there are the family members we lost along the way that grew in this process with us and lastly there are the strangers, the individuals who have no loyalty to us but is good nonetheless. 

For example, I received a call from my ex husband today, my bag that I thought was stolen, was found. AI good samaratan kept it safe, cleaned out the bottles and made sure the bag was returned safely to me.  After running like a mad person from store to store trying to find my bag from this person who never left any details, I managed to find her and when she confirmed the bbag I ran up to her and burst into tears of pure joy.

We must never give up our faith in mankind, yes we have all been hurt in some or other way by an individual but not everyone must be skinned under the same cloth.  The ugly people will try and hurt you the best they can by driving people away from you, the bad ones secretly wish your life was worse off than it is and then the good ones make up for all the wrong.

Today was a remarkable day and one I will remember for a long as I life.

I forgive you,  only God is allowed to judge and whatever happens, may his will be done on all our lives.

Peace and love xxx

When life comes full circle

One of the biggest things that could ever have happened, happened this weekend.  Not only did we deal with the past, we experienced it again and we picked each other up and grew from there.  After 10 years of not having closure I gave a very special gift to my mother for her to go sit and find healing through what she needs to in order to close the chapter of that book.  It doesnt mean its the end of the road and lest we forget, its more being able to love and appreciate without forgetting.

I stopped crying and it is said that once one doesnt cry anymore, it doent hurt anymore, I have healed and that I all owe to the grace of God,  My life was thrown out the window, I was frustrated to walk barefoot over burning coals but I took it in my stride and did it, I will always miss her and what we shared, she was my real best friend and I miss having her to talk to but the will always be a part of me and she plays an integral part in my daily life.  Through her I have learned to live my life to the fullest, forgive easily, carry no judgement, make the most of each day and most of all to love and tell the people you love because today might be your last day.

When I sit now, I can appreciate what has happened over the last couple of months.  I had to accept what was given to me and through this my best relationship was formed with my heavenly dad God and also with my family.  My relationship with my mom and dad (stepdad although my dad nonetheless) has grown into a new level of acceptance and support.  My aunt and uncle has stepped in and taken responsibility for an individual who does not really want to be a part of my life but I feel that the darkness surrounding the individual is his own to come to terms with, accept and go through, therefore I forgive with out expectation and love without limitations.  The person I will always treasure and feel like I have been reincarnated in the 3rd generation, my ouma (my grandmother), I am her double, we think the same, do the same things, like the same things, its almost like we are twins but just born 40 years apart.

I finished - FINALLY - the book "The Shack" (I highly recommend it) and I honestly feel like I have grown from reading that book and realising that God is particularly fond of me, of us, we are his children.  The religions we follow are man made, God is not a Christian, nor is he Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, no, God - Jesus - The Holy Spirit, they are for us, in us and around us, believe - forgive - love.  I am a child of God and I will carry on professing his wonderful miracles.

I have had a great, even phenomenal 2 weeks, I have over exceeded my target at work and made such amazing new friends, I am not boasting or bragging, no, I am simply telling you by having faith in God and myself I was able to reach a new level of success.  I am not perfect by no means, I was a little rebelish and smoked again in the last week but decided yesterday while running from my unit about 500m to the gate so my Uber wont drive away, that maybe its best to stop the bad habit again.  I also used one of my favorite curse words and made a mental note to not say it anymore and also my worst - gossip - not to get involved in it or be a part of it, I am not setting a good example if I do it so - NO more doing it Chantelle!!

On sunday, after spending a magical morning with my mom, my baby bag was stolen.  In it was my only set of keys and gate remote, cellphone, wallet and most importantly, my daughters vaccination certificate.  For most people this would be the end of the world but to me its really the opposite.  Yes my parents and family have to once again help me financially to get a key cut for my car (my car was towed away on a low bed truck because I couldnt drive it but thank goodness we live in South-Africa and one of the security guards could break into my car and open my door for us to retrieve my belongings), I have had to rely on other people to help me get to work and back, I needed to ask assistance with acquiring a cellphone, my ID and passport are gone too but both needed to be replaced anyways and I dont even know where to begin with my childs vaccination certificate.  BUT and its a big BUT - I hope sincerely whomever took my bag makes use of the contents, there are reasons why things get stolen and I know this was a ploy by die devil to bring me down and cause negativity and doubt in my mind but I am not letting it get the best of me.  Its a bag not a life.

So once again, be positive, accept your situation and grow in it, become the best version of yourself and learn to love and forgive, its the best thing you can do for yourself to set yourself free.

Peace and love xxxx

Choices

I have come to accept that most people I meet will know more about me before I have even given them any information.  My whole schooling career I always dreaded what people knew about me because I firmly believed in listening to no one and making my on "life experiences" which cost me a lot in some instances.  However I always find myself wondering what others think of me by what they know and then I realized I write I blog, I intentionally give myself away for others to relate and better their life experiences.  So just to put you in my shoes for a second, its like being the opening act for a comedy show yet you dont know exactly when it will be "lights, camera, action".  I personally find it extremely entertaining when an individual, who particularly doesn't like me, knows more about me than I think I know about myself, I fortunately call them my fans.  If it wasn't for these little snoopers, my blog would not have over 3000 views.  

You see, for me its always a bit of a bittersweet pill to swallow, I choose to share my story and the beauty of this it that every single person reading this can take what they and will hopefully not make the same decisions or might be able to have some guidance as to how to get through what they going at the moment.  My biggest and probably most wished for goal is to be an inspiration to someone, to help, to motivate and to prove that there is in fact a light at the end of the tunnel.  I dont have all the answers, far from it but I try my best to listen to my inner voice which I believe is guided through my relationship with God and also my 'life experiences".   The biggest challenge I have had to overcome was to not let the judgement of others influence my decision on how to live my life.  One must always remember that judgement comes with life, you wake up and the first thing you do is judge, what must I wear today, what face to I pick and how will people perceive me for what I expose to them.  I cannot control these individuals thinking however I can control if I want to react to it and focus my day around it.  Today I learned a valuable adult lesson, I was in the middle of completing a very important task and was sidelined by an unexpected call and text messages (someone is keeping tabs on me again, it really shouldn't come as a surprise anymore), so I had 3 options.

1.  Let it affect my work and lose focus

2.  Let my emotions take over and put on a display of epic proportions 

3.  Or leave it, focus on what I am doing, utilize my lunch break to freak out and do damage control then

I chose option 3 and let me tell you, not only did I have a successfully productive day, I place my trust in the people who knew what they were doing and asked God to work on a situation I have no control over.  Today I overcame my demons, today I fought against being bullied and intimidated.  I walked away a fighter and a conqueror.  What I have learned from all of this is that you can make time for important things, instant gratification is a generational thing and not what are minds are set to be, we can control the situation and more often than not we can control what outcome we get, if we trust and believe.  Easier said than done but once you achieve it, its the best feeling in the whole world.

I made a choice to walk into work everyday with a smile on my face, I have taken notice of the fact that since I am smiling more I am happier.  I feel positive and I dont let negativity rule the course of my day.  I have also come to the confusion that I make better decisions and if I focus on something and talk to my "hotline bling" aka God, he really does come through and gives me that guidance I need to make the right decision.  Look its by no means easy, I hear the snickering, the gossiping, the snide remarks behind my back or when I walk away, I just choose to ignore it.  I dont believe I am better than anyone but I do believe that I dont have to let others get the better of me.  What you focus on will eventually consume you and I am focusing on being the best version of me I can be.  So if it doesn't suit an individual and they treat me in a way that is less than savory, then that is completely up to them, I see it as a quality not yet formed or reached in their discovery of self.  What I also want to close with is that if you give people the control of your mind and happiness, then you will always come second best.  Happiness is a choice, not running your mouth is a choice and being the better person even with being judged is A CHOICE!!

Choose to live as the wise and not as the fool.

xxx

I am ready

I want a Sunday kind of love.... A love that lasts past Saturday, a love that's not just love at first sight, I don't want a lonely road that leads nowhere - Performed by Etta James.

The song rings so true, people fear love because a one night stand or a chance encounter does not quite last past Saturday night.  Once again your morals and values come in as well, you may be the type to give it all away or you may be the type to not want to take that chance and be labeled as playing hard-to-get.  

In my case, it's respecting my decision to wait, yet and yes it's a big yet, it doesn't really matter because I keep pursuing the wrong person.  It's almost as if I am not learning my lesson or maybe I'm not what the "right" person.  I personally couldn't give a damn but it does eventually boil down to that.  And then you get the type of guy who is interested in you and there is nooooo way it's going to happen. Or you are interested in the other dude and he is as blind as a bat, either because you just don't tick all the boxes or he genuinely doesn't know.  Also as soon as I fancy someone, they disappear, or is married, or "just not ready for a relationship".

I have done a lot of soul searching over the last 9 months, I've been single, I have not gone on a date, I have been completely celibate and fighting the thoughts in my head. I e read the self help books, I've established my problem, I've worked through it and have come to the conclusion that, I am in fact ready, I am ready to meet my person.

In this long and painful road of recovery that I walked by myself, I have finally found me. The me I was supposed to be from the beginning, the person who does not need to depend on another to be happy, a person who can easily be by myself.  I am finally happy. 

I have my life on the right path finally, I have been reborn as a Christian and pledged to my God and savior that I will live a righteous life and now I wait.... 

..... For him to find me.  It's a foreign feeling, experience and acceptance.  It is what I want, someone to notice me.  There it is, the hurdle.  Notice ME!! 

When you look at me, do you see a single mother waiting for a man brave enough to pursue her or do you see me....

The woman who isn't scared to do it on her own, a person with a lot more to give than what you think she is capable of, a individual who can love you as you are and a nurturer with a caring heart.

It is rather sad that there are women out there who are twice the man then what most men are today. The ladies are stepping up to the plate and raising other people's children and providing a life for a struggling partner because the men of today would rather duck and run.  So when I think of the packaged deal that I have in my life, I have come to accept that it would take an even stronger man to suit up and join my circle.

I am ready...

How we choose to look at situations

How we choose to look at a situation ultimately determines how we will react emotionally to the experience.  Our thoughts create perception and our actions create habits.  We want to rise above a situation, we don't want to be held prisoner in our own heads but yet we always catch ourselves slipping to the forbidden room.

It's a daily challenge to start with yourself, actively participate in deciding what you will allow to affect you as a person on a daily basis.  For me it's not to let other people's talking / gossiping / discussions get the better of me. It's not about what they say about you that matters, especially if they don't know you, it's more about them, what others say about you says more about them than its does you. 

With taking on my new job challenge, I also challenge myself in my apprearnce, my etiquette, my attitude and how o present myself, this is a choice I made for me to better my ability to be able to play with the high rollers.  When one does these thin, you somehow get criticized by others and you run the risk of allowing that negativity to penetrate your positive attributes you have worked so hard on.

So going back to the start of all of this, your thoughts control your reactions, you open that universal door for the once feared feelings of being made vulnerable or you can embrace it and learn to grow a thick skin, soldier on and being the best version of you that you can be to make the situation benefit you.

Not everyone drinks tea and not everyone drinks coffee, you won't always and sometimes never fit another persons mound but that is not for your carry on your shoulders. You hom out and be the best person you can be, so good, focus on your best atribites and spread your wings and fly.

Sometimes individuals set you up to fail and that to me makes the challenge a bit more appealing, firstly they want to see you fall on your face and run tail between legs out of there and then there is the other side who just waits to see your whole work experience blow up in your face.  These people are bullies and they never change but you can change how you feel about them and react to them.  

My advice is simple, put your best outfit on, paint your face and do your hair, feel good and then take some silent time to praise our father God and ask him to guide you through this time of growth and that you may not lose sight of what is important for your goals to be reached.

Always do good, focus on being your best version of you and ignore the gossip, it's not work your worrying about it.

Xxxxxxxxxx

It's a new life

I have not posted anything new for over a week.  I wanted the time off, a time to appreciate and a time to reflect, a time to appreciate and a time to live. I have silently moved to the back of the line and merely observed.  Many truths became more apparent and the lies I slowly buried away so I will not experience it again.

I have been praying and begging for an answer, I was kicking up dust and forcing my right for instant gratification to take over, never quite really giving God a chance to reveal his bigger plan to me.  So I let my emotions run wild, felt everything that I could've spared myself to feel and played the victim.  What I failed to realize is that God does not work on our time or at our pace.  And I am so grateful for that.  You see I've come to be so grateful for where I am and what I've been through. 

The saying "holding onto anger is like drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die" I was dying, so in order to change that, I let go, I'm not going to allow myself to get angry or upset, to let another person take control of my happiness, I forgave them for what they did, are doing or will do. 

No bad words towards another will pass over my lips, yup, I will only speak good of others and if I can't then I'll keep quiet. Words are powerful and what you speak into the universe you manifest.

It doesn't mean because one relationship ended, another cant be created. Allow yourself to feel, to fall in love and to be happy. Never once in my life did I ever expect to be happy to share the 3 people I have fought so hard to be mine.  To share a part of you with others is to experience life and love to the fullest.

Sometimes losing everything can teach us to have a better appreciation and perspective on life.  It's better to lose material things than the people who are helping and supporting you.  Also losing everything is not there to break you, it's there to make you realize just what you have to be grateful for.

We chose a line of work and we think for years that that is where we are supposed to be and then you start praying and let God take the reigns and direct your life, you come to realize that maybe the change was always there and you just never let God take control and guide you.  

Be the change you want to see in the world.  Be humble, be grateful and most of all be mindful. You can make someone's day or you can ruin their spirit. Love, love, love!!! Be comfortable with being alone, by yourself.

You don't need another person to be happy, you don't need them to complete you, you are capable of doing that yourself. Happiness comes from within, it's nice to be happy with someone else but when that person leaves, you should be happy to move forward without being codependent.

Enjoy the people in your life, sometimes friends become family and family leaves, appreciate the ones who want to be there, who celebrate your successes and mourn your losses and most of all accept help, it's one of the most freeing feelings and experiences one can have.

Have faith, believe in God and your religion. Find others of the same likes and thinking, spend time with them and grow with them. 

Accept another for not sharing your same beliefs, just because they are different doesn't mean they are wrong, we can learn a level of tolerance from those people and we can teach them acceptance from our part.

Gratitude, be grateful. You are doing the best you and what you have is enough.

Thank you, Thank you to all the people who played key parts in my life, the last 9 months have been a great path of discovery and learning, acceptance and appreciation. I am even more grateful for the relationships that were formed, rebuilt and let go of. Thank you for everything.

Your life is what you have now, make the most of it.