Functioning on autopilot

If I close my eyes for longer than 2 minutes I will fall asleep at my desk.  I am having this tug of war raging inside me to keep my eyes open, I think I want to go look for 2 match sticks and place them on my eyelids.  I am so exhausted.  I think I’m coming down with the flu, just normal flu nothing like the type the guys get and with it comes a sore body, you’d think that 10 super ninja’s kicked the living daylights out of me last night while sleeping.  The one thing I forgot to mention yesterday was that I accidentally swallowed 2 painkillers together and they logged vertically in my throat, panicked and freaked out, I could breathe but I could not get them to go down.  So there I go racing to the doctors, keeping in mind that I do not have a medical aid at the moment and don’t even know where to go if you not covered, I took a chance and went to private doctors.  I was helped immediately and the two tablets eventually went down.

From the traumatic turn of events in swallowing the tablets, my throat has been so sore and with the post nasal drip and sore body you can just imagine I am a ball of fun today.  My little person also decided that she’s going to keep her mommy up and ask for boob every 2 hours and chill after that which has me feeling like a zombie today.  This adult business needs to be discussed with us beforehand, before conception.  The good Lord’s angels need to sit us down and explain to us exactly what we are walking into, how hard its going to be and just how much drama you’ll have to face when you start becoming a functional adult.  To tell you the truth, if that was the case then there wouldn’t be any people on earth probably.  I suck at being an adult.  I make constant bad decisions, say inappropriate things and am sometimes at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I have had both sides of the spectrum when it comes to raising these little terrorists.  I still think being human is one of the funniest things and to throw being in love in there makes for it to be on a whole other level.  Here are two people who love each other so much that they think the next best thing is to create life, yes that will complete us, throw a little human into the mix.  After having my first child I became very upset with my mother, why did she never prepare me for this, you think its like it is on the tv, they sleep, you sleep, they are little angels that grow up to become functional adults but no, that is as far from the true as anything else.  I have never had such little sleep in my life, if you’d say that I slept for 8 hours (which I try get in every night, I’m strict like that and don’t mess with my 8 hours) every night from the age of 20 until I had my first child at 24, it would work out to a higher total number yet is you calculate the amount of sleep from 24 up until now (almost 30) it would probably be half.  Look don’t get me wrong, I love my children, once you sacrifice your sanity, sleep and dignity to have then no love will ever come close to it.  Yet these little terrors can drive you insane. 

You quickly learn to become skilled at negotiating, hiding your chocolate and finally giving up having any privacy to yourself.  I don’t think I’ve gone a day without some audience in the bathroom, worst of all is that everything gets announced as soon as it happens and mostly when there is dead silence with other people in the bathroom.  Not only that, you have to teach your children not to say someone is fat in front of them or point because we need to teach our children to know better but yet that does not happen until the day it gets pointed out by your toddler in the shop and you don’t know whether to act as if you didn’t hear it or reprimand you very informative child in front of this individual.  They also have a knack at telling you the most hurtful things when they don’t get their way, “I don’t like you anymore mommy” “I hate you” “I want to go back to daddy’s house”, all of those are cleverly thought of ploys of manipulation and what these little girls don’t understand is that their mother is a master manipulator so its really like water off of a ducks back because now now they will run outside and stub their toe and all will be forgiven and they’ll want their mommy again.

Even while sitting here and I look at the mountain of work I need to get through, the soreness of my body, the lack of sleep and the fact that I am a functioning autopilot, I too will get home tonight and when I walk through that door I will get the biggest smile and “where have you been” look on my little persons face and all will be forgiven.

And the process starts again…. J