Accepting your Fate

Accepting your fate, it’s a hard pill to swallow.  It’s actually such a big pill that you have to chew it before swallowing it, taste the bitterness of it and carry it with you long after you finished chewing.  The wonderful part of accepting your fate brings more satisfaction and release than actually running from it.  Its not so much the fate that we need to come to grips with, it’s the acceptance part.  Anyone who makes a decision has to make peace with the acceptance of the consequences.

I am guilty of making a lot of hasty, rushed and just plain not thought through decisions in life, yet now I sit in the situation where my future is so undetermined but I have complete peace in my heart. I feel that what will be, will be regardless of how hard you fight against it.  Most nights I sit and think about all these decisions I made and I wonder if my life would have ultimately gone down the path where it is right now or did I make some of the biggest mistakes of my life in a space of almost two years.  We are all given free rein to choose the decision we make, so we selfishly use up all our options and when we sit with the aftermath of our already dodgy past, we look for people to blame.  Then it hits you smack bang in the middle of the face, you are the one to blame, you need to accept your fate. 

I sometimes wonder if I am the only person who runs head first into any situation that presents itself or are there others of the same caliber as myself.   Like, where’s the crazies at???  However fun it might have been and the thrill of making all these decisions, I have learned a very valuable lesson, think before you act.  Now why did no one ever tell me that before, problem is, they did, I just didn’t listen.  My brain just malfunctioned anytime anyone with any sound advice gave me any sort of direction, its as if I just blocked it out, I didn’t want to hear any of it. So now I sit, I take stock and I reminisce of what might have been, what could’ve been and what had been since that time.  Now I look at my situations with eyes wide open and feet firmly on the ground.  I evaluate the situation and I actually sit and calculate if I can afford the after affects and how costly it will be.  It’s a necessary life lesson to learn and unfortunately for some, you only learn it well into your older years.  A manual on “How to do Life” would have been great, it could have been handed out while we went through primary school but no, our God and maker has a very very funny sense of humor.  You are given the basics and told to life to your full potential BUT if you mess up, no one is actually going to help you out of this situation, nope its me, myself and I.  Aint it a ball of fun being a grown up, damn we fight so hard to be big people and then we get there and its like “Mmmm  maybe not!! Can I maybe go back to, um, say before conception, yeah I’ll just chill there”.  Or maybe get a universal remote and pause some situations, rewind some and have a few options of fast forward just so you can see where that decision might lead you.

Its hard and its tough and it gets ugly but it doesn’t have to stay that way.  Some days you’ll get bad news and your friend may get the best news of her life and other days it will be in reverse, the trick is to see the good in any situation, to find the light at the end of the tunnel.  You control your reaction to every situation, you can decide how you feel about things, if its what you want to feel or go through.  This life is precious no matter what situation you are in, keep on believing and trusting, your break through might be at the end of that bad decision you are struggling through and remember you are never too old to ask for advice or to grown up to need your parents, I think they might just miss the times you used to annoy them for advice.

Accept the unacceptable in your life and you may just discover something new about yourself. 

An end to a decade...

It’s a bittersweet feeling.  Anyone who knows me will know that I have wanted to turn 30 since I turned 21.  I feel  I just need to get out of my 20’s and start that next chapter in my life yet as the realization of the day approaches I start feeling a bit nostalgic.  It has suddenly dawned on me that a whole decade has gone past faster than you can say “train wreck”.  If I have to sum up the last 10 yearsit would probably sound like this….

A long, long time ago….

…..Chantelle moved to the big city to study beauty therapy.  She moved around a few times, stayed in Carletonville, Krugersdorp, Alberton, Bryanston, Sunninghill, Kyalami, Douglasdale, Beckedan and Roodepoort. She has been engaged 3 time and only one engagement materialized into a marriage.  There was a big part of her life she lost the day her sister passed away. She almost lost her life on the very same day exactly a year after her sister in a car accident but miraculously survived.  There were different religions practiced, Christianity, Judaism and she was once an atheist but back to being a Christian. There was a time she had everything she ever wanted but felt like she actually had nothing.  A lot of time passed in between strained relationships with family members and friends.  She survived 3 c-sections, severe viral meningitis, anaphylactic shock from a grape fruit allergic and she almost died that day and a tonsillectomy at 25.  There was a divorce and no new romantic ventures.  Three magically beautiful girls were brought into this world.  Experience was accumulated over the years of work and various positions.  There are 7 tasteful tattoos that she has collected over the years and many more she aspires to have. The story is a full book but not a complete edition yet…

My personal opinion to this whole thing is that there were a few times I came very close to dying, I think I could actually feel the grim reaper standing next to me tapping away on his watch yet every time I was pulled back to this place we call “life”.  I must admit I have made quite a mess of my 20’s, there are some moments I just close my eyes and bow my head in shame, then there are those moments that take your breath away, the moments where I brought life into this world, those moments were by far the most magical, unscripted, unexplained, phenomenal days of my life. There are moments when I sit and look at my children and I am actually proud of the little people they are, they bring so many people joy, laughter and make life worth living.  We don’t value our parents and grandparents quite as much as the day we become parents.  The late nights, the screaming sessions with your toddler, the negotiations, the walking zombie running after an overactive child, the semi sober parent at a kids party because being compos mentis will actually drive you overboard. You finally have that moment your parents have waited for their whole life, that moment of you actually realizing what they have sacrificed to see you where you are right now, those moments you screamed profanities at them and told them you hate them, those moments hurt them or the time you told them you don’t need them anymore and their hearts shattered.  Only when you experience that first heartache, that is the moment the whole situation comes full circle not only for you but for your parents too.

Life has this unexpected why to rip the carpet from underneath you when you least expect it and I think its actually character building, we have to constantly be on our toes, learn to start over and survive.  It’s a ongoing season of Survivor, Fear Factor, Ex on the beach, Bachelor, Bachelorette, Desperate Housewives and Big Brother all rolled into one. A day to day struggle to fit in somewhere and make someone happy and live this life we have been given.

To me 30 symbolizes the ending of my immature years of being a young adult and the blossoming of me into the woman I have always seen myself becoming.  May my thirties bring the good years I have been yearning for, my the road of self-discovery come to an end and may I finally accept myself for who I am and appreciate myself for what I have gone through to get where I wanted to be.

It’s a nervous and exciting feeling all in one and may the celebrations be more than what I planned it to be…. 

2016 - Here's to Welcoming me to my 30’s

To my friend...

... you are almost just like family, we could have the same blood rushing through our veins.  We are soul sisters, probably soulmates from our previous lives.  You understand me and I understand you.  I share my deepest, darkest secrets with you and you lock those away in your big mind and soft heart, never telling a soul.  I wish I was more like you and you more like me.  We have our differences yet we are so similar, you laugh and I laugh, you have a bad day and I fetch you to go for a drink.  We are each others safety net, we cannot explain how it works, yet it works.  

I look at you and I am not jealous or envious, no, I admire you.  You have courage to stand up for yourself and tell people exactly how you feel and what you like and what you don't.  You walk with the confidence of a dragon, yes dragon, no one messes with a dragon.  You wear your crown with pride and not even the king of your castle questions his bride.  Your hair smells nice, I always want to be like the women who's hair smells nice, they have their act together. There are days you want to fall apart and let it all go yet no one gets to see that part of you but me.  You confide in me over and over again and still you seem stronger than me.  Your walk in this life may have and probably has been very different to mine, we come from such different backgrounds and still we seem to gel.  I have never had as much fun with you as I have had with any other individual besides my sister.  I would never be able to replace her but you come in a close second.  There may be times that you dont see me in the way I see you or value you yet that does not make me want to know you any less.

You my dear Taurus, you are the exception to the rule.  The way you held onto my most confidential information in the 365 days of not being in contact made me realize that there are still good people in this world you can trust.  I always try and shock you and still you do not seem moved by my stories, accepting every little line I lay onto your lap.  You have held me when I cried my heart out, you comforted me, pulled me into your lap and made the hurt go away.  A day doesn't go by that I do not want to speak to you, even when we fight, we always seem to find a way back to making things right.  I was a fool for letting you go, that saying of "if you love someone set them free, if they come back you know it was always meant to be".  You are my person, even in difficult circumstances you are there for me, you keep fighting this silly fight for our friendship.  We are so rarely misunderstood and yet there we are completely happy.

Life goes on even when we still think we need time to deal with the last blow that we still recovering from.  It doesn't matter if you make plans, avoid making plans for just chilling in limbo, life carries on.  God planned your life out long before you had a chance to think it through.  You end up eventually losing people along the way but the ones who somehow through everything still claw to you for life support are the ones you will end up living out the best years of your life.  I may be seen as the scarlet letter and your husbands and partners would rather have you avoid me because they fear I might pull you to the dark side, these lovely species we call men will never really understand that our female counterpart more likely wants us to succeed than fail, so no I dont tell your wife, girlfriend or partner to leave you, I actually try and help them to love your sorry behind a bit more because there comes a time when you would rather have your best friend life a happy life than take the road less traveled and leave your partnership.

I am your friend and you are mine.  I will love you with a special love that only we can understand.  You are beautiful and courageous, spontaneously fun, magical and whimsical. Intellectually I feel stupid in your company, you speak with such class and yet you swear worse than an afrikaans person on a good day.  May your warmth stay with me throughout this journey we call life and may I have many more blessed days with my friend.
                                                                    
                                                                                        .... You friend 

Haters are gonna hate hate hate....

Exactly that!! Haters are gonna hate hate hate, so what do you do, you shake em off as per our dear Taylor Swift.  I'm not a fan of haters nor am I one, professional stalker when I need to be, within good reason but not a hater.  I would rather see my enemy succeed than have them suffer what I go or went through.

There are all sort of haters out there, the best part about these haters are that they will never approach you directly.  They will come at you from every angle and completely blindside you, leave you gasping for air and wondering whether that was a truck or a train that knocked you down.  You have the online social media haters, they sit and look at your pages and judge every little thing you do, wear, say and post, they go as far as to gossip about what they think they know about you but its just that, what they think they know.  There are the unmoral haters, they don't like it when you say you are a good mom but goodness forbid you go out one night to relax and let your hair down. They watch your every step and decision with your children or family and they get so up in arms if you make any unmoral choices. Also we have the class one stalking haters, these are either jealous friends, new girlfriend, new boyfriends, ex girlfriends, ex boyfriends, employees, employer or just a previous acquaintance, these people are the most dangerous kind out there, they will literally skin you alive.

They are the faces you look into most of the day, the people you confide in, the people you sometimes trust and yet they can pull a knife faster than a gangster.  They would love to see you fail and when you do they boast and bask in your misfortune.   They would rather see you grovel than help you succeed because your misfortune is such a threat to them, I know, I can even see it by asking people to share my blog.  When you open yourself up to these people they become like demons and possess your inner strongholds, they take over your already fragile mind and ingrain all your insecurities for their own pleasure BUT, yes there is a BUT...

You have the power over what will affect you.

You are worthy of every amazing opportunity that comes over your path.  You control your own destiny.  That little voice, or voices as in my case, is your voice/voices, they are supposed to work in your favor.  You are your own best friend, your own motivator, your own success story and you can help yourself, if you believe it to be true.  When you say you cant do something, look at what limits you, find a way around your limitations.  If you cant find beauty in yourself, try look at it from a different angle rather from what the norm says is acceptable.  When you are tired and dont want to get up, get up anyways, lying in bed is what the enemy wants, when you get up you are writing your own story.  Think about it this way, if you look up now and turn your head to the right and back down again, that was an action that was not anticipated, that was a planned action, plan your actions, plan your life.

If you looking for that opportunity out, out of a relationship, out of a job, out of a bad space or you are looking for better opportunities work wise, with friends and life, evaluate your situation.  If you have a mess in your head, how can you possibly focus your attention on what you want in life.  Clean out that busy mind of yours and put your things in perspective.  You are the only one who can take that first step to saving your own life.  I found mine in my religion, by being reborn, by dedicating my time to helping others and helping myself.  I dont understand why certain things are the way they are in my life but I believe that there is a bigger purpose to what my small mind can handle.  And therefore by me waiting for the next chapter of my life to start and I'm busy chilling in Limbo, I will write about how I can help people, be the better person everyday, find ways to help others and motivate myself.

By making someone else's life a better reality, I become a better person.  I may be looking so hard to find the good people in life when in fact I can be the good person for those people looking.  I can do my part in making the world a better place.  Even if its only to make my baby daughter laugh then I have at least blessed her life with laughter.

Shake off the negative people, shake off the haters, let them be what they so soul destroyingly want to be and you go be awesome.

Dont let the bad decision determine who you are, they have in fact led you to where you are going and need to be.  Focus on telling your own original story, the one that is uniquely your own.  When you feel the negativity rising, take stock of what you can do and choose not to live in that moment, you are allowed to feel that feeling but dont feel it for too long.

Shake em off!!!

Really Compatible

Lets just say that there is some truth to our stars signs, hear me out before you close the page and say it’s a load of hogwash.  I have come to believe that everyone has their own personality however for me a star sign says a bit more.  See I have this book of birthdays and it says that I was born on ”The day  of Long Odds”, now it may seem rather daunting to be born on such a day but if you read a bit further it will say that the reason for this is that this person will grow in every strength possible to overcome obstacles in their lives (good luck to my youngest child, we share a birthday).

I am a Leo, I bare the qualities of a proud lion.  I am passionate, fierce, temperamental, honest and loud.  My compatible partners are – Aquarius, Libra, Sagittarius and Other Leos – let’s examine that quickly.

Aquarius – Too childish for me, I cannot seem to build anything other than a friendship with them.

Libra – Have yet to date one, they are few and far between.

Sagittarius – Too emotionally all over the place for me, or too emotionally distant. Better as friends.

Leo – Wonderful relationship - broke my heart into a million pieces. Probably my best bet is a Leo.

I do however know who I am not compatible with and I have been there, done the time and have 3 wonderful little girls from them but not the partners.  My two very big don'ts are Scorpio and Taurus.  If you know me as well as my family (wouldn’t say friend, I lost a few and some are too new to know and the others still need to know me a bit better) you will know that I am a rebel at heart, I question anything and everything, I test my limits and others, I hate rules and I hate being told what to do however I can say sorry to you but will be shouting all sorts of profanities in my head at you.  I tried for 8 years to prove that a Leo and a Scorpio is a good match, it isn’t, no amount of forcing will make it work, if you are indeed that 1% then good on you for beating the odds.  I couldn’t even last a year with a Taurus, my mother is a Taurus, we still have our challenges to this day and we HAVE to get along, she’s my mother, the Bible says – Honor thy mother and father – God is very funny, I love his sense of humor.

I have a fast group of people, family, friends, acquaintances, all of whom are different star signs.  If I struggle to make a connection with someone or we butt heads either at work or in a group, I always refer back to the persons star sign and it has never failed me.  I had a girl in school who made my life a living hell, well there were a few of them actually, I disliked all of them and when I looked up their star sign much later after school I realized that they were in fact non compatible signs, the one girl in particular was a Scorpio.  My first ever proper office job my manager was a female Scorpio, yup neither her nor I could really build anything lasting, work or friendship.  I know you might think that I am putting people in boxes but I speak from experience.  This is my safe guard and safety net and I know who I can trust and whom I can’t.

My closest friends and people I could trust have always been Cancerians, they are just such honest, soft and true people.  My fun friends are the Sagittarius and Leos.  My difficult friends are the Capricorns, Aquarius, Libra, Taurus and Aries. The Gemini’s I struggle with, some I can trust but they are mostly true to their word about having two different kinds of personalities. The Virgos are very placid and easy –going friends and Pisces is my kryptonite, great as friends but pure heart breakers when it comes to the opposite of sex. The Scorpios, few and far, that’s all I am saying.

Maybe you think all of this is a load of nothing but we all have our something that works for us, this works for me.

Finding Beauty

Those are my big brown eyes,  yup I have freckles all across my nose, the nose - rather big with a slight bump on it, high cheekbones so round and red, sharp chin, moderately thin lips and the Cindy Crawford mole below my lips.  That about sums up my face, its the face I was born with and most probably am going to die with - aint no middle clash folk got money for cosmetic surgery - who am I kidding I probably fall more in the mid to low class but that's a story for another day. I have come to get used to this face, it is the face I have been looking at for more than 29 and a half years, its a face my children spot with excitement and a face my ex husband would probably never want to see again.  I have always wondered what I would do if I could afford plastic surgery, would I really want to alter my looks, well, after a lot of thinking, no, no I would not.

You see the thing is with altering your looks, if there is no real universally acceptable reason for it, then I don't suggest it.  Look I am not against others doing it and honey if it makes your boat float then push that damn boat down that river and watch it sail.  I have some wisdom or maybe mania, whichever way you'd like to look at it to share.  I have tried finding beauty in myself.  

I would love a pair of Angelina Jolie lips, I bet they would be so luscious to place a kiss upon. Those lips would not be my own you see, the person kissing them would not be kissing me.  I could go and get a gorgeously straight nose like Ashlee Simpson and it would be little and petite but that would not be my nose.  As with any other addiction, it starts with something we not happy with or a curiosity that eventually killed the cat or the person.  Would you really be happy getting the nose or lips or breasts you've always wanted?  Would replacing another insecurity really help get rid of another?

When it was my time to become a mother and I experienced all the changes your body goes through I somehow realised that maybe I dont want to have a bigger chest, they were rather uncomfortable.  I have gone 3 times in my life up in weight 22kgs plus and have felt what it felt like to be overweight and it was to me very uncomfortable. I have also been super skinny and that too was not the bees knees, when I reached my goal weight of 55kgs I remember standing looking down at the scale and saying to myself "is that it? I thought I'd be happier"but it wasnt what I  thought it would be.    

We also cant expect another human being to love up so much that we will start loving ourselves, its a recipe for disaster and one that will repeat its brutal cycle every time we go into a new relationship.  I never really loved myself until I thought what I always wanted would make me happy, in my marriage was the time I felt the loneliest in my life, there were days where I prayed for release, I prayed for comfort and I prayed for love, in those moments I learned to accept myself, to love myself because even having another was not filling the hole in my heart.  When my children came around, I experienced unconditional love for the first time, the moment they let out their first cry into this world, I loved them with a love that only a mother can explain.  It was the most fulfilling love, the purest of its kind and it was and is still the best love.  What my children taught me was that, no matter what I looked like, big or small, blonde or brunette, pregnant or not, they loved me, they loved me for the mother I promised them I'd be to them until the day I let out my last breath in this world. 

It may seem like I have all my ducks in a row and my head screwed on straight but I dont, actually far from it.  I have stretch marks I have come to love and accept, they are in fact my warrior stripes.  My pregnancy hormones left me with very bad hail damage on my legs and I am still to find the courage to go out in public bearing my pasty white cellulite ridden legs. Breastfeeding took its toll and all I can say is that I am glad that I gave 3 little fart faces enough nutrients to last them a lifetime.  I am not perfect, far from it, and to top it all off I'm crazy too.  I am like a lucky packet, you never know what you might get but one thing I can say with Finding my Beauty is that I am a damn good mother, a survivor, a warrior and one fine catch.  

PS.  I picked my own roses out of my garden today, didnt have to wait for mister right to give me a bunch :-) 

Before you kick the Bucket - Bucket List

Nothing is happening for you at the moment or like me you are chilling in limbo.  There is nothing fun or magical about being in limbo, its boring and just plain blah.  Your life feels stuck, no excitement, no new adventure to look forward to, you are just a living vessel at this point, consuming air and using up valuable time doing NOTHING!!   Stop.... back it up a little.  Do you actually have a bucket list, not the virtual one you keep adding to and actually forget about, no, a bucket list that you have actually taken the time out to write down or type out. Up until yesterday, I didn't have a bucket list either, more like a goal list.  I have short term goals and long term goals and then there is that bucket list.

Usually ones short term goals are what we generally want to achieve in a short space of time and that is reasonably not too far fetched to achieve. I have a 6 month plan, 5 goals I want to achieve in order to be where I want to be this year and feel somewhat happy.  They are my personal goals which I have written down and manifested in my mind to happen.  There is an element of praying that has taken place and a lot of talking to God to make it happen.  All in his time I say.  I personally believe that short term goals should have an incentive, a prize for actually achieving what is necessary to make the goal possible and then something to look forward to once achieved.  I haven's decided on my incentive yet because I want it to be something other than food or alcohol related, I seriously think I am addicted to food and to throw alcohol into the mix doesn't make matters better.  So it has to be something I really want after achieving my goal but alas I shall ponder and maybe find something I want....

Now lets get to the fun part, the long term goals and our BUCKET list.  The long term goals I can share because these will in fact take some time to achieve.  Brace yourself, you might be in for a shock or quite a laugh.  My long term goals:

1.  I always wanted breast augmentation for my 30th birthday (that will be this year probably have to move it to my 40th at this stage).
2.  Have all my tattoos fixed up and added too (one is an initial I need to cover and the others have faded)
3.  Finish my book I am writing (its a work in progress)
4.  Become a successful blogger (only if my famous friends would start sharing my blog then it might happen)
5.  Pay or have someone (maybe I have an inheritance I dont know of haha) pay off my debt.
6.  Travel to Italy, Greece, Las Vegas and Thailand (in no specific order)
7.  Meeting my soulmate (the good looking rich one hahaha), being whisked off my feet, get married and live happily ever after.

Then there is the bucket list, this is supposed to be your ultimate list, like the craziest of crazy stuff you want to do before you, well you know, kick the bucket:

1.  I want to drive a Land Rover Discovery one day (dont judge)
2.  Be a stay at home mom (yes this is a bucket list because it may never happen or it might)
3.  Skinny dip in the ocean (preferably on an exotic island)
4.  Meet Lee-Ann Liebenberg and MAYBE become friends (this one is my ultimate, I'll die and go to heaven) #forevergirlcrush
5.  Travel to India and go on a spiritual journey of self discovery (Something very personal)
6.  Spend a day driving a Bentley (my sports car dream)
7.  Have 1 more child (yes bucket list, might not even be possible) hahaha

See the difference between the bucket list and the goals, the bucket list is your dreams, your fun stuff that makes you feel a bit better about your dull life sometimes and the goals are what you try and work to achieve even if the bar is set quite high.  If I can have all of the above come true then I'd die a happy person.  We need to have these little things in life that makes life worth living.  I definitely dont just want to wake up each morning and go to work and go home, that to me is no life, therefore I started writing.  I need new things in my life constantly to keep my life interesting and worth living.  I have my children and they are the heart and soul to my being but I need things to make me, well me.  There are all sorts of bucket lists in our lives, we categorize them and have them stored up in our "to remember" folder in our brains but to make it a reality we need to write it down, manifest it and believe with our whole heart that it will happen.

I have a bucket list even for my future spouse, more a to be and not to be list:

1.  Has to be taller than me.
2.  Has to have a good body.
3.  Has to have some kind of sense of humor and not be a complete dead fish.
4.  Work hard for his money but play hard too.
5.  Accept me and my girls and the added extras that come with it.
6.  Need to be a Christian.
7.  Has to be outgoing and fun like me.
8.  Needs to want to do things and experience things with me.

The list can go on and on but have you ever though of how to be a future spouses bucket list?  Now that is the turning point in this whole scenario.  Have you ever sat down and thought about the fact that there might be somethings you need to "add" onto that bucket list to become a someone worth pursuing?  Perhaps maybe do a bucket list that looks like this:

1.  Will not Facebook Stalk new date.
2.  Will not Facebook Stalk ex girlfriends and questions him about them.
3.  Will not check if he is online on whatsapp and go crazy if he doesnt reply.
4.  Will not get drunk and look for unreasonable stuff to fight about.
5.  Will not go through his personal stuff and try look for evidence if he is cheating.
6.  Will be a loving and caring partner when he wants to go play golf.
7.  Will take an interest in his hobbies and let him watch some sports on tv.
8.  Maybe dont harass him when he gets home from work, let him relax and ease into the evening.

Sometimes we need to check ourselves before we go out looking for this person we want to pursue and make sure we dont have hang ups that will cause our potential partner to run the other way.

So go and sit down, prepare your "before you kick the bucket - bucket list".

How to not find Mr Wrong

He walks down the isle towards  you, he is just mouthwateringly gorgeous!! Sexy legs, amazing dress sense, oh and that smell - too die for!! And there it is..... The deal breaker - HE IS ALREADY TAKEN - screams the wedding band glistening on his wedding ring finger. 

The struggle is real ladies.  All the good ones are either hiding, goodness knows where, engaged or married.  And then there are the warning labels ones, the eternal bachelor, the player, the uncommitable, the downright do not approach me type and the just don't go there.  We all fall in categories to these men, unfortunately, you are either the following:

Option 1 - The starter wife 
The type all men are looking for when he has decided to finally settle down, you have no children, your womb still has its plastic on, you are young and beautiful, so full of promise.  His mother will like you and his friends would want to marry a girl just like you.

Option 2 - The Benefits chic
You are the all-rounder, the guys would give their left nut for you.  You are a belter, a body of a supermodel, the knowledge of a sports commentator, you can drink the boys under the table, you can win burping and fart contest, you are a lady when needs be and he can take you on all his wedding invitationals. 

Option 3 - The Baggage Lady
You have exactly that, baggage, you are divorced and have children or you are just divorced or just have children.  You are not their first or second or last option, you are their last resort.  They will love your look, your sense of humor, they will even go so far as to get your number but and oh its a big but, they will reverse faster than a lightning bolt when they hear you have either of the no go options.

Option 4 - The Untouchable Woman
You are goal orientated, driven and successful.  You have your ducks in a row and you own a house, a car and maybe your own business.  You ooze confidence and your hair smells of roses.  Your body is a manufactured piece of gold and your smile can cure cancer. You are what we all strive for to be, the effortless woman. 

So once you figure out where you fit in, it makes it easier to spot the guys out there.  Darling if he's successful, late thirties early forties and hasn't settled down, he is not looking for Option 1;3 or 4, he is looking for fun and that's what you are to them, a fun good time girl. Its sad that today's guys have more options because the women of today are so happy to give it up sooner rather than later, yes I am also to blame for that, we all are.  So we think maybe we should join a dating site, cool, you load your profile, put the sexiest picture you have on it and briefly mention that you aren't looking for a hook-up.  Yup that will show you are looking for Mr.Right.  You get accepted and connect with every man left right and center.  WOW you must be something, you think to yourself.  You go on a few dates and you end up as just that, a hook-up.

So you ask yourself the question, "Where are the good decent guys"?  The ones who want to settle down, that dont give a damn about which option you are and the ones who actually fit your criteria.....  There it is!! Your criteria, what you are looking for, the man of your dreams.  There are guys out there that will say, "But you never give a good guy a chance", agreed BUT, yes there is a but, how creepy nice are you???  We have Options too you know, this changes the game once again:

Option 1 - The Starter guy
You have potential, you bath/shower twice a day AND brush your teeth.  You have a home, sort of, either staying by yourself or with a friend while you looking for your own place to share with your starter wife.  You have a good body, you have a stable job and you have that "boy next door" face.

Option 2 - The bad boy (Eternal bachelor)
You are hot as sin, you know just what to say and how to say it, you have money and lots of it, you have moves like Jagger, you smell like a Jean Paul Gaultier ad, you have the dress sense of a Hugo Boss model and a Blue steel look of note.

Option 3 - The baggage Man
You are divorced with children, you either divorced or either just have children.  Either way you are an option, you are good looking, you just need another starter wife.  You are financial sound and you have your share of whatever you went through.  You go to the gym, you look after yourself and you are stable.

Option 4 - The Decent Guy
You fall into two options really, you are either friend-zoned, good looking and financially stable or you very creepy, live with your parents and dress weird.  You are either a good looking as the bad boy or you are the ugly guy we feel sorry for and keep as a friend.  Its a hard truth but its the truth.

What makes it difficult is that we dont really know what we want until we are faced with the options, some of our expectations are too high but I think expectations are good, if you lower them then you end up becoming a serial dater because now its changed from expectations to being scared of being single.

For some the though of being single is like facing death row, you dont like the unknowing feeling of not having someone in your life and quite frankly you just cant imagine a night on your own.  I was like that, I think in a way I'm still like that and at the moment I'm being forced into my uncomfortable zone because I cant go out and be single, I have to stay home and be a mom to a 6 month old baby.  I have had ZERO luck with a dating website, yes one, I dont have the patience for another, I dont have any Hot single guy friends because they are just that "Friends" and I fall into the Option 2 category. My expectations are quite high too and bugger it, I am allowed to have expectations, just because I'm a Baggage lady doesnt mean I cant dream!! But in saying all that, I might have step myself up for a long road of being single.  This is my list:

1.  I have made a vow and promise to God not to have sex before I get married - again. 
2.  I will not move in with someone until we are married.
3.  My soulmate has to be a Christian.
4.  My partner will have to accept my children and I his children.
5.  If my partner would like children then we will have to go the IVF route or have my tubes untied.  There I said it, its off my back.
6.  He has to be financially stable enough to want me to be a stay at home mom.
7.  He will have to accept me with all my flaws.
8.  Oh and he needs to look like Nicky van der Walt (I am willing to negotiate this one)

So maybe we all need to sit down and decide what we want, how we want it to be and not compromise on that.  Maybe then there will be less instant gratification and more people willing to wait to find the right person.  So how will you try "how to not find Mr Wrong"....