I have come to accept that most people I meet will know more about me before I have even given them any information. My whole schooling career I always dreaded what people knew about me because I firmly believed in listening to no one and making my on "life experiences" which cost me a lot in some instances. However I always find myself wondering what others think of me by what they know and then I realized I write I blog, I intentionally give myself away for others to relate and better their life experiences. So just to put you in my shoes for a second, its like being the opening act for a comedy show yet you dont know exactly when it will be "lights, camera, action". I personally find it extremely entertaining when an individual, who particularly doesn't like me, knows more about me than I think I know about myself, I fortunately call them my fans. If it wasn't for these little snoopers, my blog would not have over 3000 views.
You see, for me its always a bit of a bittersweet pill to swallow, I choose to share my story and the beauty of this it that every single person reading this can take what they and will hopefully not make the same decisions or might be able to have some guidance as to how to get through what they going at the moment. My biggest and probably most wished for goal is to be an inspiration to someone, to help, to motivate and to prove that there is in fact a light at the end of the tunnel. I dont have all the answers, far from it but I try my best to listen to my inner voice which I believe is guided through my relationship with God and also my 'life experiences". The biggest challenge I have had to overcome was to not let the judgement of others influence my decision on how to live my life. One must always remember that judgement comes with life, you wake up and the first thing you do is judge, what must I wear today, what face to I pick and how will people perceive me for what I expose to them. I cannot control these individuals thinking however I can control if I want to react to it and focus my day around it. Today I learned a valuable adult lesson, I was in the middle of completing a very important task and was sidelined by an unexpected call and text messages (someone is keeping tabs on me again, it really shouldn't come as a surprise anymore), so I had 3 options.
1. Let it affect my work and lose focus
2. Let my emotions take over and put on a display of epic proportions
3. Or leave it, focus on what I am doing, utilize my lunch break to freak out and do damage control then
I chose option 3 and let me tell you, not only did I have a successfully productive day, I place my trust in the people who knew what they were doing and asked God to work on a situation I have no control over. Today I overcame my demons, today I fought against being bullied and intimidated. I walked away a fighter and a conqueror. What I have learned from all of this is that you can make time for important things, instant gratification is a generational thing and not what are minds are set to be, we can control the situation and more often than not we can control what outcome we get, if we trust and believe. Easier said than done but once you achieve it, its the best feeling in the whole world.
I made a choice to walk into work everyday with a smile on my face, I have taken notice of the fact that since I am smiling more I am happier. I feel positive and I dont let negativity rule the course of my day. I have also come to the confusion that I make better decisions and if I focus on something and talk to my "hotline bling" aka God, he really does come through and gives me that guidance I need to make the right decision. Look its by no means easy, I hear the snickering, the gossiping, the snide remarks behind my back or when I walk away, I just choose to ignore it. I dont believe I am better than anyone but I do believe that I dont have to let others get the better of me. What you focus on will eventually consume you and I am focusing on being the best version of me I can be. So if it doesn't suit an individual and they treat me in a way that is less than savory, then that is completely up to them, I see it as a quality not yet formed or reached in their discovery of self. What I also want to close with is that if you give people the control of your mind and happiness, then you will always come second best. Happiness is a choice, not running your mouth is a choice and being the better person even with being judged is A CHOICE!!
Choose to live as the wise and not as the fool.
xxx
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