I wanted to write about yesterday but then I realized or I had more of a brain fart from about 4 months ago. I believed I was a non-influential christian, I thought I had it covered, I believed that I have been living a clean and pure life just because of the promises I made to the Lord............... And theeeeeeen it hit me, like an unexpected fart in a hallway. Not only have I turned my back on the Lord, I have actually been a very very very bad and unchristian like christian. How did it happen? I will tell you exactly how it happened, I will list them all:
I let people influence me
I wanted to fit in with the crowd
I thought it would only be a one time thing
In order to be part of a conversation I had to start swearing like a sailor again
I did stuff even when my gut told me not too
I hurt and neglected my friends at church
And lastly
I stopped going to church all together
This morning I decided to read an online article about faith. You see yesterday was terrible. My focus should have been on how to ultimately end this month off on a high like I had last month and as much as I am holding thumbs for a miracle today, I know my focus was elsewhere. There is this thing called "life" that happened, it happened in a variety of ways and I let myself be influence. Where my focus was supposed to be on how to live a Godly life, I was focused on what people were doing, what people were saying, what I was missing out on and mostly questioning my worth when I should've been focusing on God.
The biggest hypocrites make the most noise. I have been one. Just because I became one doesnt mean I have to stay there, NO and I decided that today my success depends on God and myself. In order to want the love and happiness paired with success and financial freedom, I need to turn my focus and first seek God above all else and then move towards becoming a better me.
Today is a new day, I took some inserts from an article as I feel almost like I've been spoken to by him through his word:
"If we’re going to live in love, we have to learn to forgive one another. The Bible says, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger, but instead, forgive. And above all things, put on love.”1 That means: Above having your own way, above your own agenda, choose to put on love."
"The apostle Paul prayed in Ephesians 3:17 that we would be “rooted and established in love so that we would have power together with all the saints.” When we choose to walk in love, we have the power of God in our lives, as well as healthier relationships."
A divided house will always fall. Just because I dont like how people act should it frustrate me or influence how I feel, I should rather focus my energy on me and choose not to see what others are doing. Yesterday a doctor told me that if I dont like something in others people, its normally because it is something in me that I also struggle to accept.
I am so infatuated with others and what they are doing wrong that I completely missed the point, I need to fix my broken parts, accept myself, find my worth through God and above all else, lead by example.
He knows my hearts desires, he has taken me out of a very dark place and made me clean and new, now I need to go and clean up where the dirt has settled and start hanging out the clean laundry.
If you are reading this and I have hurt you in any way, I ask your forgiveness and promise to work on being a better friend, family member and christian regardless.
xoxo
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