Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Value adds

Yesterday was heavy on my heart, things didn’t go as I planned, it wasn’t working in my favor.  I feel like the black sheep of the family.  In the last 10 days I have experienced quite a fair amount of different emotions.  These emotions have contributed towards growth, understanding and above all else to trust your gut and be humble.

For the first time in my life I experienced what it felt like to lose something I put my blood,sweat and at the end my tears in when it came to my professional life,  it was an unpleasant and very hard pill to swallow but nonetheless, the lesson was learned and I gained knowledge from it.  I also opened myself up to a possible personal experience, one that was my first in a year and felt heart first into the situation when I should have been a bit more cautious.  I put my chips on the table and believed (stupidly) that it was right, even to go as far as to say “meant to be”.  So fast forward to today and I am back at square one, semi or partially hurt heart but wiser mindset.

I am however left in awe of a feeling I can’t quite place yet.  A friend suggested a person and did the initial ground work, which was in her defense rather sweet,  though the situation has left me contemplating the male species and if nature plays more of a part in this process of finding a mate.  What I wasn’t prepared for was the response – “ he is not interested in a woman with kids and that has been married before, sorry friend”.   Wow, that’s all my mind could process.  I left it and for some reason its been weighing on my mind.  I am by no means questioning my worth but I am going to put this out there, its debatable but its how I feel:

When I got married the first time (I say it like that because there will be a second time which I trust in God will be my last) to my ex-husband, it felt right, it may have been more of a Mr. Right now for that specific stage in my life but I believed that.  I have had the privilege to create human life, carry another beating heart and a little soul in my body, protected and nurtured inside my womb and successfully gave birth to three precious little girls.  I praise God everyday for them and that he did not let me suffer a loss in a way that a lot of other women are challenged with.  I feel that God healed and glued my broken pieces together the day I became a mother and I will always be grateful for that.  In the end and I say end because we separated and divorced, my Mr. Right was there for that time in my life.  The fortunate and most blessed part of it all is the fact that we are one big blended family now, we were mature enough to realise we are raising the future and to know that in the end the little people matter and should be allowed to enjoy their childhood and not recover from it.
So in saying all of the above I guess there are two ways of looking at it, I can either judge the poor bloke for making his decision based on the information he has about me and respect (which I am doing) his point of view or I can look at as choice of understanding, I have been through life, and I am realistic about my expectation, I know what I want and what I wont settle for.  I am a strong, unbreakable woman of substance, I earn my own income and sustain myself (sometimes by means of family) and am happy.  I do not require to be “saved” or feel someone needs to “complete” me, so it would have to take a very strong individual to accept but mostly appreciate what I have accomplished and been through.

Coming back to the nature part, the female species (in the animal kingdom as well as the human) are more inclined to accept offspring that they did not physically gave birth to and I always believe in these two statements:

“Mothers are born either by nature or nurture and not defined by the way a child entered the world”

“A mothers heart is like a taxi, there is always room for one more”

Male species on the other hand are wired completely different, it’s a catch 22 situation, some fathers are born the day their children are born and some are raised by the best of the best fathers and accept others offspring as their own.  In the end its about the value they bring to that child’s life or they see the need to step up to the plate where the other male counterpart neglected his duties as a father.
My ex-husband has the most amazing fiancĂ© who not only accepted his situation but become a second mother to my children, not step no, other mother.  She became a mother by nurture.  My non-biological dad loved my mother so much he did what no sane man would ever do, accepted her 16 year old (hormonal | going through puberty | destructive and rebellious) daughter and has been there for me the last 14 years of my life.  He has no biological children of his own yet he refers to me as his child and absolutely adores my children and they are besotted with their Oupa.

Ok so there, got it off my chest.  I believe I am one hell of a catch for the right man and I don’t have baggage, I have value adds :-)


xoxo

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