I’ve been meaning to write for over a week now but I am just
not getting to it. Yes I know the excuse
we all use “I was so busy, I don’t have time”, well I didn’t. I spent my time with my girls. I had them for 2 solid weeks………….. by myself…………………..for
two weeks……………. Do you know how long two weeks can be with a 6 year old, 4 year
old and 10 month old……………………… LONG!!! But I enjoyed it and got to bond with my
eldest, which was so super amazing. She
is like a little version of me, Chan 2.0, just way more maintenance, my mother’s
wishes came true. The many years I hear “one
day you will have a daughter that is 10 times worse than you” and yup, not only
did I get one, oh no, you must remember God has a sense of humor, buy two and
get one free………. Lucky me!!! I love my
girls, little mini-me’s all around. I
can sometimes just sit and watch them, to think I was part of creating those
little energy syphoning terrorists and yet they each have a piece of my heart
with them at all times, nothing beat being a mom, whether it’s a biological
mom, step mom, foster mom, adopted mom, granny, ouma, whatever, its special…..
Any case, I can carry on the whole night. So after this weekend I came to the realization
that I am actually quite awesome, a rare kind of catch, uniquely different, an acquired
taste, a hint of sweet with the bitter taste, a smell of some memory one
forgotten but twice found, a melody that rekindles a distant feeling locked
away. I am frankly a Bold statement of
fabulous.
Believe me, the above took me 30 years to find. I finally found myself, within myself. I don’t have a big ego, far from it, I just realized
who I finally am and what is awesome about me and the BEST part of it
all??? I didn’t need someone else to
feel complete, no validation needed, no permission asked, no compromise made,
nothing. It as in a brief moment of
dancing and skipping around towards nowhere in the middle of the ballroom while
my dress twirled in the air and I felt like a princess, in that moment I felt
complete.
I had the time of my life; I was dancing, mingling,
chatting, twirling, skipping, grunge jumping, singing and finally passed out
due to sheer exhaustion. I haven’t felt
that elated in years, not since before my children were born, not actually in
forever. The night was magical and it
was magical while spending it mingling but not depending on anyone but myself.
At almost 30, I have accomplished quite a bit, I was engaged 3 time, married once, divorced,
homeless, broke, alone, have 3 children, regained myself, lost my best
friend – my sister, became an only child, made peace with my enemies, embraced
a blended family and learned to survive… And after all of that I still gave my
heart to the Lord and kept my two promises – to stay single for a year ( 3
months to go) and to stay celibate until I get married. Maybe the 2 biggest and most difficult
promises to make but I am so proud of myself for keeping them.
So in saying all of the above, going off topic and then back
again, I know the following:
You are out there, I
am patiently waiting for you to find me.
I am a survivor and a warrior. I
have been pushed down, stripped of my dignity and have become humble and
grateful. I am fun, smart, witty, be one
of the boy but I can also clean up nicely.
I have 3 beautiful daughters, a blended family bigger than most families. My children are loved and cared for. I am happy and complete. So one day when you do walk into my life
unexpectedly, just keep in mind that my uniquely awesome life is one of a kind.
xoxo
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