I've been backed up into a corner, I feel surrounded by hungry wild dogs lusting after a taste of my defeat. What I struggle with the most at this point in the whole story is that how can people possibly be this cruel to fellow human being? Do I simply expect too much from individuals, do I hold expectations of other too high for them to reach?
If you know me then you'll know that if I love you a lot, I can't really lie to you. Ask my parents and family, if I had to choose between lying and simply avoiding the truth, I'd take the latter option. This trait I have come to realize many do not have, it's easier to ask for forgiveness then to ask for permission. My other and probably most proudest characteristic is the plain fact that if and when you confide in me, I carry your secret with me to the grave. Even when you hurt, back stab or take me for granted I will not divulge the information you shared with me. I will also give my last possession away to help others and create happiness, much to my mothers dismay, I would rather help others and go without rather than to help myself and see others struggle.
With regards to mentioning all the above I have yet to understand why people hurt others, why do you kick a dog when it's down. I have simply had to come to terms with the eye opening fact that humans, no matter what faith, religion, cultural standing, race or sexual orientation, are hardwired to destroy. They have this unnerving bad quality to undermine, push over and attack others when they simply do not fit into their mound. The worst is if you witness the bad being done to someone else and to be so naive to think it will not happens to you too because you are different, unfortunately it seldomly does. People are the rule and hardly ever the exception.
What I need to accept is that power and self righteousness and a faithlessness in any higher believe will simply mean that you will suffer the consequences of others addictiveness to power and control.
Always remember what Suzy says about Sally says more about Suzy then Sally. If they can gossip about others freely then count yourself lucky enough to be the topic of discussion one day.
From all of this I can honestly say to you that the secrets are save with me, it's ok to make my life a living hell day in and day out, it's just fine to ridicule me publicly on an electronic platform, I will allow your comments and criticism, hell you can even call me stupid to my face but what you will not do is stop me from forgiving you everyday for the hurt you cause me, for the will of God on my life and to treat you as I would any other normal person on any given day.
I am a survivor, I have fought my demons, the devil walks with me sometimes more than I'd like and he gets the better of me most days but I have a vision, a plan to succeed and make the best of my circumstances and I have accept the hand that was dealt to me. Should I stand to lose more than I've lost then I humbly accept because earthly things can be replaced but my love and the love for me from my children, family and friends are everlasting and unconditional. The terms and conditions are that I just stay the awesome person that I am.
Faith only needs to be as small as a mustard seed for change to take place, for God to take the steering wheel and drive that mustang like Sally would. So I'm letting go, I'll go get that mustard seed and carry it with me all the time in remembering that I don't have to figure it all out by myself but that I just need to trust and have faith.
Conquering this will be my victory.
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