Living on faith

Living on a prayer, yup that's what Bon Jovi used to sing back in the day. But I'm more of an "Always" kind of girl. The song was just my ultimate love song.... Going off topic here.  I have decided that I'm going to live off faith, yup I am taking that gigantically scary step in the direction of faith and believing in what will happen will happen. 

I've put it out there, I'm perfectly happy with living on my faith, so far I have not gone without one month, yes I had to drastically reduce my "acceptable/luxurious" way of living and really can get by under R100 a week with some change to spare.  My appreciation for the small things have exceeded my expectations and I no longer want the live I used to have.  Downscaling was probably the best thing that could have happened to me.  I used to be so ashamed and then I realized that after downscaling, I still had more than others. 

Yes, I had to swallow a humble pill by accepting groceries from individuals at work, family and the church but my biggest pill was when I accepted the help from my children's future other mother (stepmom sounds so wrong) - help sometimes comes from the most unexpected places. Then there has been the endless help with petrol / data and clothing. Just when I thought I was all alone, God opened up his doors of humbleness and gave me more than I deserved. 

In the days that followed, I have:

1. Lost a friend 
2. Gained a family at my church
3. Helped an individual find God
4. Built a relationship on a solid foundation with the fiancé
5. Cut all blood ties with people from my past
6. Helped make 3 little girls happier than most children 
7. And developed a small crush 

See how I sneaked that last point in there BUT, big big BUT - I will harmlessly just spectate from a distance. Too much on my plate at the moment.  Sometimes we win some but also sometimes we lose more, it's ok though because what God takes out of your life, he replaces with more. 

My girls will live the remainder of the time with their father and other future mother, I on the other hand will continue to grow as a person, give my baby girl the undivided attention she deserves from her mommy and building a solid foundation for my girls to one day be able to visit me more often and also have their own rooms.

So yes, I took a leap of faith and I believe with my whole heart and soul that my dream will be around the corner shortly, my breakthrough is coming, this hell is temporary and I am a fighter, a warrior, a mom and a strong as I'll ever be now!!