Just go for it

Just go for it......

...................................Just got for it!! It’s my thoughts to most things in life. When I think too much about it I start doubting everything so what do I do, I convince myself “you only live once Chantelle”.  I have had a crush, a silly little crush on someone for a long time but never did anything about it…. Until this morning, yes this morning, at 3:24am I couldn’t shut my mind off to just get some sleep in and gathered all my courage, which I must admit at that time of the morning its kind of a do or die situation, and I messaged him.  I told him straight up and fell asleep again.

So naturally once you take a leap of faith like that you become obsessive compulsive and check your phone like an idiot every 15mins, “has he read it”, “Oh gosh he probably thinks I’m psycho” “please respond, please respond”.  Then you get on with your morning because you know, life, it carries on.  All my troops in the car and off we go to do the second morning of school run and its not a great morning, I have a whining 5 year old, complaining about everything under the sun and so she starts irritating her sister, who was in a much better mood.  Half way to school and all 3 of us are in a bad mood plus I have my 3 year old shouting like a backseat driver at me “go mommy” in stand still traffic.  Finally we get to school and as I run out of the grounds towards my car, I hop in with the speed of light and off we go to  the last stop and there he is, the guy, walking across the road.  I look away “don’t see me don’t see me”  I say in my head and he is busy talking on his phone, rushing just as I was rushing, he doesn’t notice me. 

I get down the road and he replies with a very courteous response, I’m confused.  Surely if I told you how I felt and fancied you I can get a bit more of a reply, so I tell him I saw him, he responds with a short message and that’s it.  Its been “it” for the last 8 hours.  I can face-palm myself the rest of the day.  I can also message him and look like a complete idiot or I can see it for what it is, I went for it, put it out there in the universe and leave it.  If he pursues it, great even fantastic, if he doesn’t then its not a loss completely.  Nothing venture nothing gained, I ventured, put myself out there and I gained strength from saying how I felt to someone.  I have not been rejected completely nor have I been told anything to believe he’s not interested.  So I tell myself, if its God’s will it will happen, if its not then it wont and I’ll carry this little crush with me for the fun of it.

I think I’m learning to have more guts than I used to have, I am enjoying being at the edge of my seat and every so often I need to do something to spice up my rather mundane, normalish, parental life.

So this is a chapter that may just be “to be continued”….