I am happy, yes, Little Miss
Sunshine!!! How else to explain what awesome few days I’ve had. First I experienced
God’s presence, received more messages that ever during the week with the
scripture that was pointed out to me.
Secondly, I started de-cluttering my life, getting rid of all the negativity
and bad things I have hoarded over the years, such as astrology books,
fictional novels, CD’s from specific artists and paraphernalia which I no longer
need. I wanted to sell all this stuff
but then I was told to instead throw it away because if I sell these things I
only give those influential things to someone else. I cannot explain the relief from getting rid
of those things, it was as if a weight lifted off my shoulders. I no longer feel the need to hold onto these
negative things. And third and final, the message at church yesterday “Negative
thoughts are not from God, they are meant to harm and break you down”. Now that moves the goal post.
Saturday I met up with an extraordinary
lady who was more than open and willing to share her struggle and how she built
herself up again. She was such a
motivation to me. She also had 3 small
children, went through the same experiences as I am going through, hers only a
very long time ago and yet there she sat in front of me a warrior – this woman
overcame the odds, she took a stand and made the changes that are needed to
begin healing and focus on how to live a selfless life. She is my inspiration, she is my
motivation. So many people told me “you
have 3 children, who is going to want a woman with 3 children and that’s in
your situation” – well someone loves her with her 3 children and she is not
only a mother to 3 but to 2 extra blessed souls, she found love against all
odd. How did she do that? She changed her focus and now she is helping
people like me to overcome my obstacles in life. She may not have known it at the time but she
became her own success story and today she is helping me, so her struggle was
definitely not in vain. While talking to
her I received so many messages, this is my time, now I need to make the
changes, now I need to change my focus or I will make the same mistakes over
and over again, mistakes I cant afford to make a second or even a third time
again.
What I realized is the hold the
devil has on a person, for every moment of good I experienced last week he
threw 3 more bad on my path, bad that completely took my focus off of the good
that was happening around me and yet I just decided, no more, I will not let
the bad affect me. I will not let peoples
actions affect me, their actions might have nothing to do with me, I will not
let people break b=me down, no their words are for their own gain, not mine and
I will work/play/experience and spend every day as my last. I cant afford to carry more negativity. So today I noticed things that could make me
upset and I chose to let them just be that, things I noticed, I did not internalize
it or worried about it. I decided to be happy, just happy. I fasted endlessly for things that I wanted
but did not realise that I needed to fast for my relationship with God, begin
with him first and then from there what will be his will, will be.
So no more hunting for a husband,
going down the rabbits hole or breaking myself down for what I lack, I don’t lack
anything. I have successfully survived
for 30 years, I have pushed past any suicidal thoughts, I did not give in to
peoples expectations, I rebelliously followed my own path and stupidly learned
my lessons from it. And today, 29 years
and 7 months young I am learning my biggest lesson, this is your one and only
life, choose wisely. If you want to be
Hindu, Atheist, Muslin, Catholic, Jewish or Christian – make sure you do it out
of the right choices, don’t conform to what you think you understand or to what
you were subjected too, hell I was asked to leave a church, did that change my
thoughts on my religion, no it didn’t, in fact it made me crave the truth even
more. Do it out of what is right, not
what fits into a box and don’t discriminate against another’s choice, you don’t
understand their journey, the Lord is my Sheppard, he will come look for you, you can hide
behind any religion but he will find you in that turning point in your life and
you will be found and be herded back to your flock.
Don’t let a situation, feeling,
though, circumstance determine your outlook, let is teach you. Feel the feeling and grow from it, don’t go
from it. Begin to find the positive in
everything you do. Yes the darkness is
appealing and it comes with a bed of roses but it will leave you just as
quickly as it walked into your life, the light attracts more, shows you more
and makes you bury the past and life for another day. So go ahead, be happy, focus on the good and
do good. Be the change the world needs.
“The good Lord gave you a body
that can stand almost anything. It’s
your mind you have to convince.” Vince
Lombardi
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