Trust - Hope - Love - Appreciate

Yesterday I woke up feeling tired, physically, mentally and emotionally.  Today I decided that I’ve had enough.  Yes it enough now, I totally give it up.  Mountain on my shoulders have been placed firmly on the floor, I am over it.  The more I read, the more I am receiving messages of “the closer you are to your breakthrough, the harder the enemy fights to keep you down”.  Well I am done bending over of the enemy to push me further to the ground, now the only time I will be down on the ground is on my knees to pray.

My helper told me what her pastor had to tell me, wake up at 4am every morning for 7 days and pray, read any piece in the Bible that you are given at the time and pray, pray, pray and go back to bed.  I have never done that before and at the moment it’s going to be hard because I have an 8 month old who is currently teething and is keeping me up more than I like, I feel like a mombie (mom zombie) but when I think of how much God and Jesus scarified for me, I kind of feel embarrassed that I can’t simply commit myself to that, so starting tomorrow morning, its praying like my life depends on it.

I want happiness, I want to be able to move closer to my children, I want to be happy in my job and one day when the time is right, I want to find love.  My goal list is not big, it’s simple but it’s pretty darn difficult to achieve because so many things interlink with one another but I have hope, hope is when all your other options have run out and you can only but trust in God and his abilities which to me seems pretty endless.  Sometimes we have to believe that the extraordinary is possible.  Miracles happen and they are only one full heartedly truly believing moment out there. 

I submit my life, my hope, my dreams to God.  I am going to thank him for all my blessings in my life, practice gratitude every day and know that God has a bigger plan which he is preparing me for and as hard and difficult things might seem at the moment, I just need to keep in mind that I need to grow from all of this and become stronger than I think I can even comprehend.

This life has not turned out how I imagined it to be but the man upstairs gave me his version of what I asked for, I wanted to have a big family, so he gave me 3 precious little girls, a wonderful ex-husband who treats my girls with like princesses, an amazing other mom to be who fills my gaps and picks up the burdens that I can’t carry, 4 sets of grandparents who love and spoil our girls and endless aunties and uncles not to forget the great-grandparents and loads of friends who we are blessed to have in our lives.

So I give up all expectations that I hold of this live and what is meant for me and I will trust my wingman and we will wing it together.

Here’s to looking forward to my breakthrough!!